September.

Here are some facts:

§  Nearly 30,000 Americans commit suicide every year.

§  Suicide is the 3^rd leading cause of death for 15 to 24-year-olds and the 2^nd leading cause for 24-35-year-olds.

§  On average1 person commits suicide every 16 minutes.

§  1 suicide intimately affects AT LEAST 6 people.

§  Males make up 79% of all suicides.

§  There are 2 times as many deaths due to suicide than HIV/AIDS

Here is my opinion:

§  People who commit suicide aren’t selfish. They are suffering a mental illness that often goes untreated due to the lack of mental health care.

§   

September is Suicide Prevention month. September 10^th, is national suicide prevention day. September 9^th, 2011 is the day I lost my 17-year-old best friend, Trey,  to suicide.

Above I stated facts that are listed on DOSomething.org, facts that most of us have heard before, yet still seem to remain true year after year. One that stuck out the most to me is: at least 6 people are intimately affected by a single suicide. People who commit, attempt, or have suicidal thoughts feel so alone, but at least 6 people will be affected by their death. This is where guilt sets in for most us who have already been affected by suicide. If my person felt so lonely and uncared for—enough to take their life, I was not a good (insert relationship here). We have all had those thoughts. STOP. That isn’t true. We all for short in every relationship we are in. We could all be better; mothers, fathers, daughters, sons, wives, husbands, partners, friends, teachers, mentors. There is always room for growth. I want to tell everyone that they are not responsible for their person's death, but we are all responsible for the ignorance we allow to happen surrounding that death if we do not speak up, speak out, and educate ourselves and others.

We have these incredibly young people 15-35-year-olds, killing themselves because we, as a country, are not properly educated on mental illness. We tell boys to man up and assume girls are PMS-ing. We need to stop this ridiculous cycle. We need to listen to others and take everyone seriously. I much rather waste my time on those who are dishonest in their struggle than ignore those who need help and attention. There are “signs” of suicidal possibilities that we can see in hindsight. But let's be honest. Most of the time we are completely shocked by the news that someone took their life. We “had no idea” what they were going through. Not because we never asked if they were okay, but because we have all been taught to smile and say fine when asked. We request honesty for so many things but don’t want to hear the truth when it comes to mental health. If our heart, liver, bladder, and, kidneys can fail us; why is it so hard to believe that brains can fail us as well?

Suicide prevention isn’t about busting in a room as someone puts a gun to their head and telling them to choose life. Suicide prevention is about stepping up and opening your heart, eyes, and ears to those around us who are more than just sad! Mental illness comes in all forms and can be disguised as the most put together housewife, talented athlete, heroic service person, the trans man, or the young 12-year-old who is unsure what life is about. We have everyday people we pass on the street who need to have an open safe location to seek reliable and legitimate health help. Mental Illness is NOT just someone sitting in a room of a psych ward medicated to feel nothing. Mental illness is: Depression, Bipolar disorder, Postpartum depression, Anxiety disorders, PTSD, Schizophrenia, etc.. No matter how strong someone is, mental illness can be too much to handle when undiagnosed, untreated, or ignored. No one chooses to have a mental illness. Even when they choose to die, they are choosing a solace from their own thoughts.

As I sit here on the anniversary of Trey’s death (with baby blue nail polish on my pinky nails in memory of my sweet, sweet friend), so many memories come flooding back. There were signs. A lot of us who loved him were under educated about mental illnesses and signs of suicide. Unfortunately, since we had to experience losing someone to suicide we are more educated and informed on signs and the seriousness of mental illness. It’s not too late though. It’s not too late for us to save a life. Educate yourself, educate others, and become a safe post for those who may need a gateway to help.

Never think that suicide or mental illness will not affect you. It is truly a silent killer that we must make heard! I would like you all to consider trying to make suicide decrease by 25% by 2025 by donating, walking, or sharing. November 5^th, 2017 is Out of Darkness walk at Piedmont Park in Atlanta, GA. Click on the hyperlink above to see when a walk is near you and please donate to cause by clicking here, to support my cousin Liz’s first walk! We are all in this together, so let us stand together, walk together and speak up together.

This year I am walking for more than just Trey. I am walking for mental illness awareness.

I love you always remember that. -TMG

Sing[le], Oh! Happiness.

For years, I was embarrassed, upset, confused as to why I have never been in a relationship. Quirks, that for years, I assumed was yet another reason I hadn’t found a partner. Things like wearing themed knitted sweater, watching Golden Girls on Friday evenings instead of going out, obsessively bringing up A Walk to Remember and constantly making Barbra Streisand references. At 24 years old, I have gone through the stages of self-loathing several times. I told myself I was a bad ass woman who don’t need no man. I puffed my chest out and went out to exude confidence on the town—and by town, I mean to work and back. It would quickly fade when I would see a cute couple or a cute guy who wouldn’t pay me any attention. I would then become sad and tell myself that, essentially, I wasn’t good enough to have a boyfriend. If I was thinner, prettier, nicer, funnier, smarter, talented, had better hair, or was more travelled I would be more interesting. I would allow myself to become legitimately upset over being single. From ages 16-22 I would rag on myself for being single. I would take comments from others, who would tell me, the right guy will come along at the right time, but still be concerned about my future. I read articles composed from the flourishing editors and writers of seventeen magazine and teen vogue about how to change who I was to obtain a man. I slowly started to realize, I was allowing a stranger to dictate my current happiness. I started to become more aware of who I was and what I wanted. Sure, being with someone who cares about you, respects you, and finds spending time with you, enjoyable sounds great. But, being someone who cares about yourself, respects yourself, and enjoys who you truly are is what really matters in the long run. Despite having others make off handed comments about how I could better myself, career wise, health wise and how I need to do certain things to find a boyfriend; I blocked out everything that I KNEW was negative. Who are they to tell me where I need to be in my life? I took the suggestions over the years; Don’t be too over powering, it isn’t attractive, be more ladylike, lose some weight, wear make-up, try online dating. I allowed everything, I heard, read, and saw about relationships impact me and how I felt about myself. Every guy friend that I became close with I would unknowingly project interest on. I would think, maybe this can become something more. Maybe our friendship can become more. After about zero friendships blossomed into anything but, I would avoid becoming friends with a guy in fear that I would develop feeling for them and want something more than a friendship. Which was a terrible position to put a friendship. But I was not alone. I had a few friends who were feeling the same way I did. Some handled it like I did and would wallow in self-pity, others became more sexually promiscuous in hopes of a fling becoming solid. But what do we do? Stay unhappy or follow false happiness?

Then revelation happened. Create your own damn happy!

One Monday when I was mentoring at my old high school with a group of kids 14-18, I felt this calmness come over me while in small group. I was 3.5 year into working with high school students and loved what I was able to do and what I was able to share. I grew every semester with each group of students. But it was the end of the 2015 school year, I was with a group of kids who allowed my stories and experiences to be shared with them that made me realize how blessed I was. They truly cared about each other and me. How lucky was I? It was then that I let them take over small group and guide their own conversation into what they felt needed to be discussed that I realized I had no legit reasons to be unhappy. I started doing a daily gratitude list. I became very aware of everything I am grateful for. I started to become happy with everything I was fortunate enough to have. I started to become happy with who I was. Every day I would write out 3 things I am grateful for and give myself 2 compliments. At first it was really hard. But after about a week, I was finding daily things to be grateful for and new things I liked about myself. I had to convince myself that it was okay to like who I was and what I looked like.

 

Before I would listen to others and allow myself to lower my worth because a man didn’t find me worthy. Then, I quickly turned all the words that I once gave value into the language of the teachers from the Peanuts

I quickly started to love myself and become happy with the woman I was becoming.

At 22, I wasn’t where I thought I would be but I was happy with where I was. For the first time in, well, forever, I was happy with who I was. And I was single. I didn’t base my worth on being single. I was just living life day by day and enjoying my days with my family and friends.

Fast forward a year later and I was still single, proud, and happy. I had great friends, recent travels under my belt and new travels ahead. I was excited for the future and whatever was in store. I was feeling like an actual adult more and more every day.  Did I mention still single? But also, still happy! Then IT happened. I stayed the same person. Cynical, strong, independent, loud, Babs obsessed, A Walk to Remember advocate, and no-nonsense Porshia. Then I met a guy who I became friends with. The most caring, sincere human I have ever met. I didn’t attempt to make anything out of our friendship other than a friendship. I was comfortable with him, and didn’t even think twice to attempt to create feelings. Over the course of our friendship I was blinded by how comfortable I was. Everyone else, saw something I didn’t. I became angry with every person who told me that we liked each other. “No!” I would say! “we are just friends, stop trying to make this more than it is.” Then as natural as can be, two friends grew their friendship into something more. I had a boyfriend. I was with a guy who truly wanted to be with me and like me for me. ALL of me. What? How this happened, I may never know. But I am no better of a person because I have a boyfriend. I have someone to share more things with and to care about on a level beyond what I thought I could give. I have a partner who will encourage me and support me. I have a friend who I want to kiss, hold, and grow closer with. My boyfriend is the sweetest, most kind-hearted human I have ever met. I love my time with him more than I can express. But I am happy WITH him, not BECAUSE of him. He makes me over the moon happy. Not because him being with me gives me worth. I had worth before him—and if there is an after—I will have worth then as well. I am not happy I am in a relationship, I am happier because I am in a relationship with someone who I know I can trust, grow with, and be myself around! If I allowed myself to believe that any relationship would create happiness, I would have lowered my standards a long time ago. Boy! Am I happy, I waited!

 

Of Very High Standard; Excellence.

Have you ever met someone so beautiful, that being around them just makes your heart feel light? How about someone so nice that every time you aren’t nice around them—even if it your anger isn’t taken out on them—you feel like a big heaping pile of shit on a summers day in a farm in South Georgia?

I thought I knew what true envy was. I was envious of many girls in school for reasons that I now shutter in disgust over. I have been envious of people who seem to have it together. I have been envious of friend who have parents. I have even been envious of everyone in any Instagram picture of Matt McGorry. And yes, I know, I have no reason to be jealous of anyone, ever… except anyone who is friends with Lena Dunham and Jon Stewarts person of confidante.

The older I get the more I have realized that (what I thought) beauty—is—fades and personality prevails. Beauty is not this outward shell, yet this inner aura. I have seen so many people—and by so many, I mean 3, who have become such beautiful people. Maybe they haven’t become, they always have been, I guess I am just now seeing them for who they are. And now, I am beyond envious of beautiful people. I’m not talking about, Ms. Universe, beautiful¹. I am talking about people who are refreshingly stunning and effervescent, that knowing them or even the illusion of knowing them makes your feel stress-free.

There are 3 people—that I will give pseudonyms to, for my own protection—who I wish I was best friends with, or could be the fly on the wall in every room they visit. A fly who is reincarnated into, yet another fly, days after my 72-hour life ends. These are people that I know, have known, and have yet to know. I admire them and find them so fascinating. If you are reading this and you are one of these people…I can’t wait for that awkward moment that we have to talk about this. But I am so confident that we are such a good friend (even if we are just friends in my head) that this will flatter you and you’ll want to listen to pod cast on a quick day trip to Chattanooga. But most of me, hopes that my writing is so ambiguous, and secretive that only my closest friends will pin who these people are only because I talk about them all the time.

Pseudonym: M.

I have a massive non-celebrity social media crush on a guy who I went to high school with, share several mutual friends with, yet, I have never met. We are friends on Facebook, Instagram, and even Twitter. I have heard only grand things about, M. His post on Facebook are; strange, rare, open, hilarious, relatable, honest, odd, cynical, appropriately sad, and even at times dumb. But, I like 98.9% of all his post. I believe that I am coy in my thumbs up…and more recently my heart reaction, “ha-ha” reaction and one time, I even used a “wow!” reaction on Facebook. His love for his best friend is very much present on Facebook which is heartwarming and rare, a bromance, I know nothing about, yet admire and never roll my eyes at. When he likes my Instagram post, I feel like I met some sort of goal, despite knowing that he follows a lot of people, and like me, may get a little thumb happy. Why follow someone if you’re not going to like their post, come on petty peeps. I am not sure if I can even pronounce M’s last name correctly, but I know he is a beautiful person. He seems to care about people. People who look different from him, who live differently, and who view the world differently. He is passionate about life and has given the illusion (maybe, even, a non-illusion) that he loves good people, and can find good in so many people. I want to watch “Nosferatu” with while eating popcorn and drinking red wine through a Twizzler straw. That may sound oddly intimate, but it is my dream friendship date. One day, If I ever meet M, we will hit it off and become fabulous friends! He may think I am a negative, obnoxious gal, but like many of my other friends somehow seem to look past it and willing spend time with me. I may tell him that I wrote a semi-solid personal essay about him and he may respond, “I know.” Which will be very refreshing if this fantasy comes true. Or when social media fades out, so will my social media crush, but what will not fade is my envy and yearning to have even a sliver of beauty radiant enough to shine through the internet, like M does.

Pseudonym: She.

I have admired and been inspired by a peer of mine since middle school. We had many classes together and She was always a good friend to me even before I could ever realize what a good friend actually is. She was beyond witty, hilarious, smart, bold, confident; even when She felt her most insecure. She was kind, open, thoughtful, talented, and had a dark enough story that made her so compassionate. She was misunderstood in school because she looked different from girls who the boys desired. She was one of the tallest kids in school, always. She was exotic looking and dressed and looked appropriately awkward for a middle school girl and equally awkward in high school. But boy, did she blossom for college. She found her people. People who used her bright spirit as a beacon of light. She was the warmth you wanted to walk into. Not the bug zapper that uses it light to confused blood suckers—which a lot of “pretty girls” in high school were. She is now BOLD.  I comment things like “U. Slay. Me”, “YAS KWEEN.”  under her Instagram post with absolutely no shame. She is so beyond woke about the world around her. She dresses so fabulous and courageous that I want her to be my personal stylist. She is fierce with her hair and seems to love her body even if society attempts to tell her, She is unconventional. She is a woman that empowers others woman. She has friends who are LGBT, ROYGBIV and who worship Jesus, Allah, God, and Beyoncé. She doesn’t judge and is pure. Pure hearted. The only way pure should ever really matter. I wish I went to her college so I could be an active friend to her. She is so great! The last time I saw She, was over 5 years ago. She came to visit me one day. We sat on my couch in my room along with another high school friend and talked about life, and people and laughed and laughed and laughed. I am pretty sure that was the last time I saw her. But I am also 100% sure that when I see her again, it will be just as easy as it was that evening sitting on my couch.  I aspire to be ¼ of the woman She is and will be.

Pseudonym: Oliver

Oliver. This one could be beyond obvious. I am going to attempt to be as discrete as possible. Everyone knows that one nice person who is just so beyond genuine and caring. Someone who naturally concerned about others around them. They truly love their friends and want them to succeed and will do whatever it takes to make sure they do. You have never heard anything negative about this person and if you ever did, you may become so overly offended that you will be labeled an angry black woman, but if that means defending their name, then so be it. Well, that is Oliver. I truly believe that people enter (and leave) your life for a reason. Oliver has had a place in my life for such a small sliver of time, yet has made such an impact on 23-year-old me, that is absolutely insane. Oliver is genuinely apologetic about things he should never apologize for. He is sincere when he asks “How are you today?” He enjoys the small things and even in a situation that others could deem embarrassing, stressful, and become angered by, Oliver seems to stay so calm, rational, and understanding. He is able to accept everyone for who they are and has faith in their goodness. He is such a fantastic listener. Talking to him feels dangerous at first. You start opening up and telling him things. Things, that as you are saying them aloud, your brain is trying desperately to take back; afterwards, you are okay with what you said, because of who you said it to. You know you will never be as good to Oliver as he is to you, despite trying very hard to be. He is important to so many people, yet not enough people. I want to have a friend who is single and superb enough for me to talk into going on a date with him, just so I can give a speech at their wedding about how I, single handedly joined two beautiful souls.

Oliver is a person of truth, creativity, and morals. He yearns to know more, which is beautiful within itself and has patience of Gandhi…okay, maybe not Gandhi… but you get what I am saying. He doesn’t realize how powerful his low key presence is. He is so kind, that I can’t tell if he really likes me (as a friend, which I feel like I must state since people have a hard time with people of the opposite sex being 100% platonic friends.)  or if he tolerates me because he has to. Which, I soon realized that I am not the only who feels that way. Maybe because I am aware of my own annoyances and the fact that I can’t read him—I am a fantastic people reader, rarely wrong—makes it difficult to tell. Regardless, I will take it.  If he likes me great, if he tolerates me, great! Oliver is the friend who you are excited to see, and nervous to leave. He is able to be so fluid in his understanding and compassion. He has told me some of the most encouraging words without even realizing it. I want so many good things to happen to him, for him and with him.

By the time I was done writing my Ode to She, I was on my 4^th episode of Lena Dunham’s Women of the Hour podcast. As I wrote about 2 people who I find to be beautiful people, I start to realize how not, nice I am. (Please, note I am not being self-deprecating or wanting you to tell me how awesome I am. I know I am awesome, I have to tell myself that at least weekly to prevent myself from crying at an ill-timed red light on the way home from work. People are allowed to be better than us. We are allowed to admire people. We are also allowed to use the word beautiful for its true definition and not in the way that is used to describe the cotton candy sky that graces your social media every other day.)  I know I am not a horrible person. I am what you call an ish person. I am compassionate-ish.  I am nice-ish.  Which is OK-ish.

There are times when I creep on my own social media (you do it too) when I think—Do others look at my social media as creepily as I look at theirs and admire my beauty? Do others read my status’, captions, or sporadic blog post and admire my inner beauty? I may never know. Is there a social media friend out there who has a social crush on me, the way I have one on M.? If so, please, let me know, we can become email pen pals and then real life pals. I would say, I don’t care, but I do. We all known the saying “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”  I think it is great. It is a grand saying that I agree with whole heartedly, until someone attempts to tell me that they can’t see any beauty in Phoebe Robinson or the words that Anne Sexton had written, you obviously do not know beauty, you shallow muck… I am also dramatic-ish.

This PE (personal essay) is out of the norm of me. My everyday personae may be cynical, a tad negative (yet, I prefer, realistic), neurotic, sarcastic, naturally irritated, self-proclaimed quirky old soul. Writing personal essays such as these makes me feel overly vulnerable. I am able to let the walls down that IRL (In real life) me has up for some weird reason. I am able to hide behind this screen and not let my face do the talking, which along with my big mouth has a V hard time staying neutral and unexpressive. As insensitive as I am 91% of the time, I am capable of being open and free with my words to describe others in a lovely way. And that is what I find beautiful about me. What is beautiful about you?

Couldn't Resist--88th Oscars

So, I couldn't stay away. I have tried. The past few award shows I have kept mum. Even the Tony awards. I need an award for showing so much restraint. But, The Oscar nominees were announced almost 24 hours ago and all I want to talk to talk about is the nominees. Some of my friends are movie snobs (I don't mean that in a mean way), they love foreign films, and indie films that Netflix didn't introduce them to. I admire them for it. But, I am an entertainment snob. The film that your friends-cousins-college roommate made, that was part of a hip film fest in Portland... BORING. DiCaprio being nominated for yet ANOTHER Oscar, with this year being THE year that he even has a fighting chance in hell since his tear jerking role in "What's Eating Gilbert Grape." Now that is what excites me. So lets talk about that for a moment. 2015 was the year for blockbuster hits and fan favorites. 2015 brought us big hits like: "Star Wars: The Force Awakens",  "Jurassic World", "Furious 7", "Mad Max: Fury Road", "The Minions", "Pitch Perfect 2", "Train wreck", "Cinderella", "Magic Mike XXL", "ANT-MAN", the 2nd installment of the Divergent series, "Insurgent" and the final installment of the Hunger Games series, "Mocking Jay: part 2".
 This award season more so than the award seasons in the past are chalked filled with nominations of movies that have flown under the Radar.

Bryan Cranston as Dalton Trumbo--Courtesy Groundswell productions

"Trumbo", Starring Bryan Cranston,a riveting story about an american screenwriter who, along with others were blacklisted for their political beliefs in the 1940's ( I loved it, a MUST see). "Trumbo" opened in theaters Thanksgiving. But we were all too busy making sure Katnis saved the world to see Trumbo (tisk tisk).

Emory Cohen and Saoirse Ronan in Brooklyn--courtesy of  Wildgaze Films

Another film with more noms than buzz is Nick Hornby's, "Brooklyn." Anyone who has read a Nick Hornby book knows the power this man has when it comes to pulling you in and then pulling apart your heart. "Brooklyn" is on my list to watch. A young Irish immigrant is torn between staying in America with her new found love, or returning home to deal with a past.

Brie Larson- Golden Globes 2016

DiCaprio--"The Revenant"

Room, granting Brie Larson her first Golden Globe for best actress in a movie drama is nominated for quite a few categories, along with "The Martian", "The Big Short", "The Danish Girl", "Carol", "45 Years", "Joy", "Spotlight", "Bridge of Spies", and of course with the most nominees, "The Revenant" (12) beating out "Titanic". DiCaprio always seems to involved in such grand movies. Yet, still no Oscar. I am not a DiCaprio fan, so his 0 Oscar tally doesn't bother me. Maybe DiCaprio pissed someone in the Academy off and will never win an Oscar. Maybe his manager and publicist struck a gold mine with "The Revenant" being one of the most anticipated movies of 2016 making the Oscar cut off for this year. I guess we will find out on Feburary 28th.
Here are the nominees in their categories:

Performance by an actor in a leading role

• Bryan Cranston in "Trumbo"

• Matt Damon in "The Martian"

• Leonardo DiCaprio in "The Revenant"

• Michael Fassbender in "Steve Jobs"

• Eddie Redmayne in "The Danish Girl"

Performance by an actor in a supporting role

• Christian Bale in "The Big Short"

• Tom Hardy in "The Revenant"

• Mark Ruffalo in "Spotlight"

• Mark Rylance in "Bridge of Spies"

• Sylvester Stallone in "Creed"

Performance by an actress in a leading role

• Cate Blanchett in "Carol"

• Brie Larson in "Room"

• Jennifer Lawrence in "Joy"

• Charlotte Rampling in "45 Years"

• Saoirse Ronan in "Brooklyn"

Performance by an actress in a supporting role

• Jennifer Jason Leigh in "The Hateful Eight"

• Rooney Mara in "Carol"

• Rachel McAdams in "Spotlight"

• Alicia Vikander in "The Danish Girl"

• Kate Winslet in "Steve Jobs"

Best animated feature film of the year

• "Anomalisa," Charlie Kaufman, Duke Johnson and Rosa Tran

• "Boy and the World," Alê Abreu

• "Inside Out," Pete Docter and Jonas Rivera

• "Shaun the Sheep Movie," Mark Burton and Richard Starzak

• "When Marnie Was There," Hiromasa Yonebayashi and Yoshiaki Nishimura

Complete Nominee List

So lets be honest. How many of these films have you heard of? Not many right. How many do you want to see now? Many right? Some are still in Theaters. Be sure to tune into the 88th Oscar celebration, Sunday, Feburary 28th on ABC with host Chris Rock. This shall be interesting. 

Revamp

Every time, I visit my blog, I get annoyed. I get annoyed by the number of drafts I have. I get annoyed by the amount of friends who read my post (without me asking them to). I get annoyed with how awful the post, I actually decided to post, are. But then I get off the pity train at “Who the Hell Cares” station and go about doing what I actually enjoy. Writing fiction. Young adult fiction. Only a few people know that I have been working on a YA novel. I have 10,000 words, 17 pages, and 3 chapters (not including a prologue) in. I am taking my sweet time and only writing when I truly want to. A few years back I mentioned to a car full of friends, that I was writing a book. They laughed at me. Mocked me and teased me—all out of fun, I think. It discouraged me. If these friends didn’t support me, who would? So when my laptop crashed and I misplaced the flash drive with the beginnings of an amateur novel, I was bummed, but saw it as a sign that it wasn’t worth sharing. Years later, when I began writing short snip-its in a journal of a potential novel, I didn’t tell anyone. I carried my journal everywhere and would write whenever I had alone time to spare. I have spent many hours at Starbucks drinking a pour over dark roast, time visiting Trey at the cemetery writing, and enjoying being alone, but not feeling alone. I have even sat in my car in between places I need to be to kill time. After changing the plot of what I was writing over and over and over, I finally decided to take it from pen to paper to Brain to keyboard to screen.  I stopped going back and re-reading what I have written. And for that, I think Veronica Roth, the writer of the Divergent series. As an avid reader, I read the book from cover to cover, extras included. Roth said, she didn’t re-read her work, until she was finished. It kept her going, and creative. She could change any plot holes and things she just didn’t think would work well once she had ended the book. Seemed to work for her. Why not me? I began to just type, and typed I did. I have no idea where I want the story to go, but it is going. I shared it with a facebook friend who is an amazing writer with published books (of a completely different genre) and he gave me great supportive feedback. He encouraged me to continue writing. Which made me proud of my work. July 6, 2015, I posted a little bit of my writings on Good Reads. Seeing how so many people have done the same, I just posted an unedited draft, errors and all, with the hope that maybe just one person would stumble across it. Forgetting that I even posted it on Goodreads, I was shocked to get an email on October 20, 2015, saying someone had commented on and liked my story. That Goodreads users encouraged me to continue writing. One comment and one like. That is it. Someone enjoyed it. I went back and read what I posted on Goodreads and I even enjoyed it. I didn’t hate it, I didn’t regret posting it. I was pleased with my writing. Granted, it needs some serious editing, but that is all just part of the process. So, instead of trying to be a blogger that I am not. I am going to revamp my ‘blog’ and just post short stories and influenster stuff (So I can continue to get free stuff—duh!). So, please, feel free to give me your feedback on anything I post and share. 

Happiness is a choice.

When I was a freshman in high school I wrote a letter to my future, senior self. Unfortunately, my class never received their letters come senior year, but I find myself often curious on what I wrote to myself. I am sure I mentioned having a boyfriend, since I would be able to date by senior year. Maybe even my excitement about my acceptance letter to UNC Chaple Hill- my dream school at the time. Having a few school plays under my belt, and quite possibly an intriguing pen pal who I wrote to about intellectual historical facts. I'll admit, I was---er---am a strange person. Who knows I could have been over school in general that day and wrote: Do you still hate school? yup. figured so. xoxo, Teenage Angst You. I was---er---am a tad dramatic.

Regardless, what I wrote to senior me, I would have rolled my eyes and felt a little bit of self embarrassment and think to myself silly little freshmen, grow up- the words that Mat Roark (beautiful senior football player who later went to be a huge UK Wildcats star, and had a very short lived NFL career, who I saw on the Buckhead bar strip several months back) had uttered while Holly and I got to run an errand upstairs in the math building...we literally ran. The dreams and hopes I had for my self, weren't too grand, yet were realistic and satisfying. As 18 year old me came, I thought that I disappointed 14 year old me and even 17 year old me. I didn't even apply to UNC- no way my family could afford it. Truth is I didn't apply to many colleges. Only one. North Georgia College. I got in, but again, couldn't afford to live on campus, and couldn't fathom leaving home. especially since my mom was sick. How would that look? So a 2 year college it was.

Life continued to happen death, death, death...money issues, A,C, D, D... D, D, C, D... No F's. I wasn't dumb, just not determined, and couldn't stay focused. Work= money. Money= bills being paid. I began to miss classes to work. I began missing classes to not leave my bed. Because sleep will obviously heal sadness and magically get you great grades.

I became sad. No, not sad, depressed. My priorities were all screwed up, but since I wasn't drinking, doing drugs, or having sex in hope to gain love. I figured it wasn't a big deal.

Like many girls I battled with body image issues, and ate my way to weight gain and more complaints. I was still single, at 18, 19, 20,...and 21. What was wrong with me? Self loathing began to become my new hobby,

I slowly began to give up. Well what I thought was giving up. I began to not care. I started sharing what I thought, in a non-complaining way. I began to be honest with people from the get go. I started giving back to my community by being a mentor, volunteering to do children's church, I began a job that was right up my ally, and helpful to my educational goals. I started seeing how many people were truly proud of me. How many people saw me in a light that I did not see myself.

I became less worried about my future, more patient, more rational and more go with the flow.

I look around and see so many friends, former and current, who are controlled by something. Drugs, relationships, sex, I am controlled by me.

I can honestly say that I am happy.

I have moments when I feeling emotions on the emotion chart. but for the most part, I am happy.  I smile a lot more. I can honestly say Great!, when someone ask me how I am doing. I can see the bigger picture to things, I know that life is too short to make bad choices, or to not say what you feel.

All of this has happened in the past 4 months. a growth that I noticed so rapidly, but was a long time coming. I can only hope that I will continue to go up from here. To be happy even though hardship, turmoil and heartache  is inevitable.

For now, I know that I am loved by many, and I can feel that love. I am learning from those around me directly and indirectly and I can only hope that I am being a lesson in disguise for others around me.

I am letting God do as he pleases with me. And letting life take it's course.

Finding happiness within yourself, is a hard thing to accomplish. We often tend to look for it in other things and confuse those feelings for inner happiness, when it is actually the devil in disguise.

No, I am not in a top university.
No, I am not in a relationship.
No, I don't have money in the bank.

But who cares? I sure don't.

I have a family who I want to kill at times, but wouldn't trade them for the world
I have friends, who have taught me so much without realizing it.
I have a promising future
and I have so many people who utter words that make me glow inside " I am proud of you"

Cynical, sarcastic, dramatic (even though, I, prefer Theatrical) and a tad abrasive is who I will always be, but somethings will never change. My faith is stronger than it has ever been, I am confident in the person that I am and the person that I will become.

So thank you for contributing to my happiness. without many of you, who knows how long this inner health would have taken,

:)

New Year "Resolutions"- note the quotations.

As I lay on my friends Torey's couch still in my dress and tights from last night, I decided to be proactive and start 2015 off with a blog post- and what better to post than...a resolution post right? well yes and no. I have never been a fan of resolutions. It implies that something needs to be resolved/ended by a certain time and I, being a person who hates due dates and endings, have never set resolutions. However the more relaxed meaning to annual resolutions is to create goals and to make better choices to start off a year in a positive route, which I fully support.
I have read numerous articles this week about how to set a resolution and how to stay on a path to complete said resolutions in 365 days. I have read many pre-made resolution list and for the most part they consist of the same resolutions. A lot if them were not life changing or very self involved. (I.e.) dieting, work out, lose x amount of weight, Get in a relationship (I'm sorry what?), try a new Pinterest make-up tutorial (insert eye rolling here), more "me" time (let's face it, most of us-unless you are a working mom/wife- have enough "me" time)
Everything I've read made me roll my eyes, laugh out loud, and added to my belief that my generation is so superficial it's sickening. So I have come up with a list of sorts to practice and instill in myself to better myself so I can better myself and those around me now and in my future. (Wow! Guinness book of world record for someone using the word 'myself' in a sentence check please!) and honestly, I believe everyone should as well- it isn't something that is targeted toward girls or guy, these are universal goals.

1. Be more up to date on current/world events.

When I hear my friends say they don't watch the news because..."it's too depressing", "boring" or they don't have time. My rebuttal is: YOU HAVE A SMART PHONE. follow at least 2 reliable news sources on twitter. Get a news app. Or sign up for the Skimm (a daily email that gives you just enough information you need). Being informed is an essential to adulthood. And stop getting your information from what you over hear your parents saying or from someones Facebook status rant.

2. Do the right thing when no one is looking. Integrity. 

A universal principle that is often forgotten. We all tend be bystanders to a lot to refrain from butting into others business. Stand up for what is right without expecting praise for your good deed. Even something as simple as starting the pay it forward at chick-fil-a--and don't go tweet about it or tell all your friends just so you can hear how awesome you are. Tell yourself how awesome you are , and that if more people did the right thing there would be more reasons to smile!

3. Don't make excuses.

Don't make em' for yourself or give them to others
If you don't want to go somewhere just say "hey, thanks for the invite, but I don't feel like going tonight. Have enough fun for me" which is a lot better than lying about not feeling well or having other plans. Or better yet that you are tired-especially when you are telling these excuses to someone who does twice as much as you minus twice the help.
We all have that one (maybe more) who has an excuse for not showing up to events, or not being able to hang out or text or call- and after a while the friendship fizzles. Don't be that friend. You'll miss out on great memories with great people!
Also, be responsible! Don't blame others or events from the past on why you make bad choices. put on the big girl and boys pants and grow up!

4. Don't judge.

It's hard not to judge someone based on their choices. I am for sure guilty of it. Recently I got smacked in the face with a lesson of "don't judge a book by its cover" when a new friend shared something so heart wrenching that I would never in a million years have assumed. You never know someones past. You just need to be an example that bad experiences shouldn't be made into bad choices. And not judge those who have taken bad experiences as a right to make bad choices.

5. Stop saying you don't like things you haven't tried.

We are no longer 12. Being picky should be a trait you have long since grown out of. And I'm not just talking about food. If your friends want to see a movie that everyone has been raving about check it out (wait until it is on TV, if you don't want to spend money). So what if you saw a bad movie. If someone tells you to check out some music give it a listen. You may find the next lyrics that is your life- 'WTF, did I help co-write this in my sleep'
Want some coffee? I don't like coffee? Have you ever had it? No. THEN HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU LIKE IT OR NOT.
(Only aliens dislike coffee-so pretend you do around me or I'll report you!)
Now, if something makes you uncomfortable or is bad for you don't give it a try-METH. not even once!

6. Stop being passive aggressive.

To all you passive aggressive people, stop. It isn't giving you or your relationships any growth.

7. Love your friends.

I am really bad about this. I am not an affectionate person at all. So I rarely tell my friends that I love them. But I show my love in other ways. If you are my friend, I love you! Compliment them, embrace them, listen to them, talk positively about them, defend them, and lift them up. If you don't do this for your friends, then why would you expect them to do the same for you?

8. Don't be social media obsessed.

Now I love social media! It makes the world a much smaller place and can connect friends and family from all over the world. You can find information out in a matter of seconds, share your opinion and even get retweeted by Judd Apatow (still fan girling over that). But we are in our 20's. Does it matter how many likes your Instagram picture gets? Or how "fat" (see number 9) you look? No it doesn't. What matters is that you like what you post an what you post doesn't hurt others. Again, I love social media, I mean I have; Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Tumblr (not really in use), About, LinkedIn, Blogger (duh!), but if this post gets 0 views I am okay with that. The amount of likes doesn't determine your success and failures in life (your habits do)

9. Stop body shaming.

Guilty again. Purposely not wearing something because I look fat, comparing my body to others and my past self. Blaming my weight for my singledom. Looking at other girls and thinking they are too skinny or too fat. It's a terrible flaw that I try to work on daily. And it is my mission to not body shame myself or others out loud or in my head.

10. Be smart about sex.

 I am not sexually active, but I have so many friends who do not have smart sex. Educate yourself with your partner on consequences (other than pregnancy) be proactive get tested, and be honest with your doctor!

11. Don't pretend.

This isn't the 80's, or a John Hughes movie- you can stop pretending to be too cool to care, or too cool to like something. I like Taylor Swift, her music is fun and cliched, and I like it! Why is it that we still care what people think about us, our hair, clothes, choices, music taste...Honestly, why care what others care about? Will it be  the end of the world if people really knew how much you think Nirvana sucks (which they do not by the way, and if you think otherwise...it's okay- I do not care!...(what the hell is wrong with you))-- Just  don't wear their shirt and pretend to be a fan to seem cool. Don't pretend to have had a handful of sexual encounters (boys- yes, I am stereotyping) so you can seem like more of a man- why does that matter to manhood anyways...that's a whole nother post for a whole nother day. Don't pretend like you only eat salads in dainty bites (Ladies!). Don't pretend like you don't care, when you obviously care. Who cares if you care! I don't think that I am bad at this. However, I have been in social situations where I have pretended to be fully interested in a topic and tried so hard to convince everyone that I enjoyed what we were talking about, and even with knowing facts, and not just making crap up, I felt absolutely ridiculous pretending to care when I could care less! 

12. Do what you are passionate about. 

Now, I don't mean quit your job and move to New York to become a starving whatever. But find time in your day to do what you really love doing. Pursue what you really enjoy doing. A really good friend of mine recently got a Nikon with all the kit and kaboodles, an she wants to start a little photography gig on the side. Why not? She is good at it, and likes doing it! Create a portfolio, if you want to make your passion your career, be proactive. 

I, LOVE writing. absolutely love it! even if it is just word vomit, it's my word vomit and I like it. So I want to write and write and write and I will weather it ever sees the light of day or not.

Even if your passion is unconventional, find a way to be passionate about it. Improve yourself, your skill and your all around happiness. Have you ever heard anyone say "I am doing what I love and hate it." or "I hate having time to *insert passion here*" NO! and if you have... you is a lie. 

13. Do something outside your comfort zone every once in a while.

For those of you who don't know me, I am, for the most part, outgoing and bold. Yet, still very reserved. I don't dance, I am not the one to be dared to yell out a car window at a stranger, or kiss a stranger, or do anything that draws too much attention to myself. Well...Last night, I went to a gay club with 3 of my closest friends, we were 4 of the 10 women there, to be honest I'm sure 3/10 were men at one point. All the rest were gay men. My plan was find somewhere to stand and people watch as my friends danced. Well, my plan didn't happen. I went out on the dance floor and danced the night away. I felt like Hannah Horvath from girls- minus the drugs. I enjoyed it. I will never see any of those people again, and made hilarious memories with my friends. With that being shared- I stepped WAY out of my comfort zone. and nothing happened, except for fun. So do something that you normally wouldn't do- Do not go out and do something stupid to push yourself, just something that isn't "you" and for all you know, it may have been a you thing all along.

14. Spend time with those who you love.

you are going to regret choosing your BFF or some party over a family function (especially when your family isn't all that bad). Make time for those one on ones with your close friends who are visiting from out of town, or those friends you love, yet live so far from hanging out isn't as convenient as you would like. Make time for those people who just mean so much to you, the thought of not knowing them makes you ache. This is something that I really need to maintain, growing apart can be avoided. 

15. Write letters. 

We are in a time where going out of our way to tell someone how we feel is endangered. Write a thank you note after you get a gift, and more than a "thanks for the gift!"

When I receive a thank you note, it's like receiving a thank you gift. Hand written notes are so much better than a Facebook post, or a text message! I for one love writing a letter (especially in cursive), but I cared what people would think if they received a random letter from me, now I could care less, and will be giving 'Just because' cards as much as possible. So be on the look out for one! 

16. Make like Tennessee and Volunteer. 

It blows my mind when people volunteer only because they HAD to. What? Not all volunteering is working in a soup kitchen (which is an amazing way to volunteer). Find an organization or a cause that is near and dear to your heart and volunteer at a local event. Why not give your time to help others?... this isn't rhetorical. Seriously, Why not? other than selfishness. You make connections, meets all kinds of different people, and grow as person when you volunteer. Trust me, there is an organization out there for everything. Be proactive and don't make excuses to not volunteer. 

17.  Read a book.

Not an ebook. a book book. I being an avid reader, and book lover, I cannot fathom not enjoying a book. With the plethora of genres and authors there is book out there for everyone. I am going for a book a month. I wish I had time for more. but if the last book you read was To Kill a Mocking Bird (as a class) then aim for a book a year. It will spark imagination. and as adults we need to embrace imagination.

18. Do What makes you Happy!

"If it makes you happy... Then it can't be that bad" If you do more things that make you happy, then you will be happy. "...happy people just don't shoot their husbands. "

So there ya go folks. My list of "resolutions, that should roll over year after year. 

I brought in 2015 with great friends and great memories, I really hope 2015 is filled with good memories and first that are grand and happy. putting positive vibes out there! looking forward to having another year fly by. 

***by the way, I didn't proof read. I am tired, and partied to hard last night. I am shocked I am even a functioning human as of right now...lets face it, I am not. ****

So, I will call upon Your name

I never really talk about my testimony or relationship with Christ, not because I am ashamed- which I am not. I am be proud to be a Christian and try my best to stay on the path of salvation.-I think I keep to myself because I don't want to answer questions that follow. Mainly because I do not know the answers to most questions that are asked and partly because my testimony is short and simple and I always feel as though people want more from me. No I wasn't in dark, hopeless, pit of despair. I wasn't an atheist turned Christian, I wasn't heading down a path of no return. I can't remember a point in time that I didn't believe in God. I grew up in what at the time was an unconventional home, which now I understand was very common. A single mother and a Nana was what I had, not a mom and a dad. My mother and Nana didn't go to church, so my first memory of a church was my kindergarten graduation at this gorgeous huge church that reminded me of all the churches on TV. I assumed that the nuns were in the back resting, and the male nuns (which I a what I assumed Arch Bishops were)-were in a different room hanging up their dresses... Sister Act was my favorite film for a long time. No I wasn't in a Catholic Church, but I didn't know there was a difference. Living in the Bible Belt, I was very aware of churches and God, despite not attending church or being raised in a faith based home. I can't remember a time where I didn't know about God or believe in God. I had children's books that were based on classic bible stories (Jonah was my favorite), We celebrated Christmas, and even discussed that is was Jesus' birthday-when I was 6, we plugged in my fiberoptic tree and sang happy birthday to Jesus. We prayed over our dinners on holidays. I said nightly prayers for years when I spent the summer with my nana, yet never went to church actively until I was in middle school.

When I told my mom that I wanted to go to church on Wednesdays for youth, she said okay. My mom always told us she didn't care what religion we practiced as long as we were morally sound, respectful and knowledgable of other religion--which I was and still am. She would drop me off and pick me up every Wednesday. The church was where all the cool kids went at school. If I went to church-a place where there is no judgment and everyone loves everyone, I was bound to become their friends and fit in, right?... I went to church to hangout, which is what majority of my peers did, but I honestly cannot tell you the youth leaders name, or one message that I heard. But I can tell you about a girl who lied about having lung cancer (which to this day still blows my mind) and the drama that insued... Some of the worst bullying happened on those Wednesday nights.

I struggled with understanding some of the lessons; sex out of marriage is a sin, sins are bad, children out of wedlock  are born into a hopeless life, I'm a child who was conceived and bore out of wedlock...but I'm not hopeless, am I? Wait gays are going to hell- I thought all sins were equal, what's the difference? If you shouldn't judge others then why are you preaching your opinion and not the gospel? Is the message bible really necessary?  ...I was confused and wondered if I was a Christian because I didn't agree with what the youth leader was saying while everyone else nodded in unison an knew when to say amen, while I was still confused and not in tune with what was just said. At 11, I didn't realize that me thinking that was OKAY! Luckily, after going to that church for over a year and feeling like a bigger outcast than I did at school I decided to go to Church with my friend Devyn. She went to a small local church, Calvary Baptist. Everyone was white. Now I am mixed, but being he only brown person can get really tiring, so I was skeptical on whether or not I would be excepted. (Despite it being 2006, I had my fair share of prejudice and it was the worst!) Once going down stairs to the youth room- I'm not going to lie- there were people in the youth who I knew from school who I was SHOCKED stepped foot in a church. I was incredibly judgmental. Again, I was mainly going to church to socialize. The bible was too big and thick for me to read. I never went to Sunday school or VBS as a child so I had no idea what they were talking about half the time and I wanted to call Bull crap on prayer request that I knew where made up. They would pray in such great depth, while I would pray in such simplicity and I couldn't imagine praying out loud. Again for a while I questioned if I  was Christian enough.

When I was a child my family told me that as long as I believe in God and love Jesus and knew that he died on a cross then I was a Christian. However, the feeling of not fitting in, and confusion quickly left.

I prayed every night for God to show me that I was a Christian. Silly, I know, but I was so scared that maybe I wasn't a Christian. After attending Calvary a few times I felt so welcomed by the youth leaders and elders of the church. I quickly saw that no one sitting to the left or the right of me were perfect and knew I was in the right place. A place where I didn't feel the need to PROVE my Christianity, that was between myself and God.  I can still remember lessons Rodney talked on from middle school  (I still have my true love waits card, signed in 2008, that is still valid!). I could feel my love and understanding of Christ grow.

I cannot pin point a pivotal moment when I gave my life to Christ. I have always loved him and accepted him. And the fact that I thought that I needed a trivial, heart wrenching testimony to prove that I am a Christian is quite sad. I just know that my life has not been easy, or fun, or simple, or even explainable. Through an absentee father (who decided I wasn't his when I was 8.), through eviction after eviction after eviction, through all 9 schools, through living in motel rooms, through every death that has created yet another strife in life, through every penny of debt I have because I have to be financially mindful of a family at 21; I have never blamed God, or asked why me? Or have given up hope and faith. No, I am not at church every time the doors have opened. No, I don't walk around spreading the gospel like I should. No, I don't go on or plan to go on a mission trip out of the country anytime soon or possibly ever. No, I can't name every book in the bible or pronounce all the names in the bible. Yes, I support gay rights. Yes, I cuss. Yes, I still have to look in the contents to find where a book is located. Yes, I fall short of the glory of God. But I am a Christian. A proud Christian and I, like many other Christians, don't have a story or dark days that I didn't know or didn't claim Christ. I may have those days in the future, which I believe won't happen, because I pray daily for my relationship with Christ to strengthen. Which it has. I am blessed and surrounded by many host families; The Lairsey's, The Hills, and The Sanders who show me that by putting all my trust in God, everything will be okay.The Lord has given me so many outlets to be a woman of God in a timely manner. I work with children and take full pride in being a role model for my students. I am mentoring with Teach One to Lead One, an organization that is faith based and filled with amazing people who will do nothing but strengthen me. And now I teach children's church every 2nd Sunday.God loves me so much it overwhelms me and is the MAIN source of my happiness, and what prevents me from being sad when I know it is what is expected.

If life hasn't knocked me off the path of salvation already, then nothing life throws at me will knock me off. There might be days that are foggy, or cloudy, but I will keep on down the path, until the day comes to meet Him on the thrown, and I cannot wait!

It's that time of year again...

I have come to the conclusion that I am a bad blogger, and quickly got over it. Lets face it the only post worth reading are those about the awards shows. Well, luckily...award season is vastly apporching! This morning the 2014 Emmy's nominees were announced and none of which are shocking.

Here is the full list of nominees:

Best Comedy Series
"The Big Bang Theory"
"Louis"
"Modern Family"
"Orange Is the New Black"
"Silicon Valley"
"Veep"

Best Actress in a Comedy Series
Lena Dunham, "Girls"
Edie Falco, "Nurse Jackie"
Julia Louis Dreyfus, "Veep"
Melissa McCarthy, "Mike & Molly"
Amy Poehler, "Parks & Recreation"
Taylor Schilling, "Orange Is the New Black"

Best Actor in a Comedy Series
Jim Parsons, "The Big Bang Theory"
Ricky Gervais, "Derek"
Matt LeBlanc, "Episodes"
Don Cheadle, "House of Lies"
Louis C.K., "Louie"
William H. Macy, "Shameless"

Supporting Actor, Comedy Series
Andre Braugher, "Brookiyn Nine-Nine"
Adam Driver, "Girls"
Jesse Tyler Ferguson, "Modern Family"
Ty Burrell, "Modern Family"
Fred Armisen, "Portlandia"
Tony Hale, "Veep"

Supporting Actress, Comedy Series
Mayim Bialik, "The Big Bang Theory"
Julie Bowen, "Modern Family"
Allison Janney, "Mom"
Kate Mulgrew, "Orange Is the New Black"
Kate McKinnon, "Saturday Night Live"
Anna Chlumsky, "Veep"

Best Drama Series
"Breaking Bad"
"Downton Abbey"
"Game of Thrones"
"House of Cards"
"Mad Men"
"True Detective"

Best Actress in a Drama Series
Lizzy Caplan, "Masters of Sex"
Claire Danes, "Homeland"
Michelle Dockery, "Downton Abbey"
Julianna Margulies, "The Good Wife"
Kerry Washington, "Scandal"
Robin Wright, "House of Cards"

Best Actor in a Drama Series
Bryan Cranston, "Breaking Bad"
Jeff Daniels, "The Newsroom"
Jon Hamm, "Mad Men"
Woody Harrelson, "True Detective"
Matthew McConaughey, "True Detective"
Kevin Spacey, "House of Cards"

Supporting Actor, Drama Series
Aaron Paul, "Breaking Bad"
Jim Carter, "Downton Abbey"
Peter Dinklage, "Game of Thrones"
Josh Charles, "The Good Wife"
Mandy Patinkin, "Homeland"
Jon Voight, "Ray Donovan"

Supporting Actress, Drama Series
Anna Gunn, "Breaking Bad"
Maggie Smith, "Downton Abbey"
Lena Headey, "Game of Thrones"
Christine Baranski, "The Good Wife"
Christina Hendricks, "Mad Men"
Joanne Froggatt, "Downton Abbey"

Best Miniseries or Movie
"American Horror Story: Coven"
"Bonnie & Clyde"
"Fargo""Luther"
"Treme"
"The White Queen"

Best Actress Miniseries or Movie
Jessica Lange, "American Horror Story: Coven"
Sarah Paulson, "American Horror Story: Coven"
Helena Bonham Carter, "Burton and Taylor"
Minnie Driver, "Return to Zero"
Kristen Wiig, "The Spoils of Babylon"
Cicely Tyson, "The Trip Bountiful"

Best Actor in a Miniseries or Movie
Chiwetel Ejiofor, "Dancing on the Edge"
Martin Freeman, "Fargo"
Billy Bob Thornton, "Fargo"
Idris Elba, "Luther"
Mark Ruffalo, "The Normal Heart"
Benedict Cumberbatch, "Sherlock: His Last Vow"

Supporting Actor, Miniseries or Movie
Colin Hanks, "Fargo"
Jim Parsons, "The Normal Heart"
Joe Mantello, "The Normal Heart"
Alfred Molina, "The Normal Heart"
Matt Bomer, "The Normal Heart"
Martin Freeman, "Sherlock: His Last Vow"

Supporting Actress, Miniseries or Movie
Frances Conroy, "American Horror Story: Coven"
Kathy Bates, "American Horror Story: Coven"
Angela Bassett, "American Horror Story: Coven"
Allison Tolman, "Fargo"
Ellen Burstyn, "Flowers In the Attic"
Julia Roberts, "The Normal Heart"

Outstanding Animated Program
"Archer"
"Bob's Burgers"
"Futurama"
"South Park"
"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Manhattan Project"

Outstanding Host: Reality-Competition Program
Betty White, "Betty White's Off Their Rockers"
Tom Bergeron, "Dancing with the Stars"
Jane Lynch, "Hollywood Game Night"
Heidi Klum and Tim Gunn, "Project Runway"
Cat Deeley, "So You Think You Can Dance"
Anthony Bourdain, "The Taste"

Reality-Competition Program
"The Amazing Race"
"So You Think You Can Dance"
"Dancing with the Stars"
"Top Chef"
"Project Runway"
"The Voice"

Variety Series
"The Colbert Report"
"The Daily Show with Jon Stewart"
"Jimmy Kimmel Live"
"Real Time with Bill Maher"
"Saturday Night Live"
"The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon"

Children's Program
"Degrassi"
"Dog with a Blog"
"Good Luck Charlie"
"Nick News With Linda Ellerbee - Family Secrets: When Violence Hits Home"
"One Last Hug: Three Days at Grief Camp"
"Wynton Marsalis – A YoungArts Masterclass"

Outstanding Guest Actor in Drama
Paul Giamatti as Harold Levinson in "Downton Abbey"
Dylan Baker as Colin Sweeney in "The Good Wife"
Reg E. Cathey as Freddy in "House Of Cards"
Robert Morse as Bertram Cooper in "Mad Men"
Beau Bridges as Barton Scully in "Masters of Sex"
Joe Morton as Rowan Pope in "Scandal"

Outstanding Guest Actress In A Drama Series
Margo Martindale as Claudia in "The Americans"
Diana Rigg as Lady Olenna Tyrell in "Game of Thrones"
Kate Mara as Zoe Barnes in "House of Cards"
Allison Janney as Margaret Scully in "Masters of Sex"
Jane Fonda as Leona Lansing in "The Newsroom"
Kate Burton as Sally Langston in "Scandal"

Outstanding Guest Actor In A Comedy Series
Bob Newhart as Arthur in "The Big Bang Theory"
Nathan Lane as Pepper Saltzman in "Modern Family"
Steve Buscemi as Marty in "Portlandia"
Jimmy Fallon as Host in "SNL"
Louis C.K. as Host in "SNL"
Gary Cole as Kent Davison in "Veep"

Outstanding Guest Actress In A Comedy Series
Natasha Lyonne as Nicky Nichols in "Orange is the New Black"
Uzo Aduba as Suzanne "Crazy Eyes" Warren in "Orange is the New Black"
Laverne Cox as Sophia Burset in "Orange is the New Black"
Tina Fey as Host in "SNL"
Melissa McCarthy as Host in "SNL"
Joan Cusack as Sheila Jackson in "Shameless"

No shock to fans,"Breaking Bad" claiming various spots in the drama series category is again a fan favorite-if their winning streak continues,  this will  be a good way to officially end Breaking bad.
While Breaking Bad is gearing up for their last Emmy noms, Netflix's "Orange is the New Black" is coming in like a wrecking ball...or should I say, like a sock with a lock in it. With SIX, yes 6! nomination.
This year is huge for the LGBT community with "The Normal Heart" and "Orange is the New Black" taking so many noms. 
"The Normal Heart" directed by Glee's creator Ryan Murphy, has 6 nominations for pretty much its entire cast, yet not nominated for Best miniseries or movie.-Much like "Behind the Candleabra" which took home many Emmys and Golden Globes, "The Normal Heart" nominations will create round 2 of buzz and more people will go out of their way to see this star studded HBO original.

I am going to make a few predictions right now:
Kerry Washington will not win...again
Lena Dunham will wear Zac Posen
"The Normal Heart" will win something
"Breaking Bad" will have at LEAST 2 wins.
Sarah Paulson will be snubbed.
Jim Parson's will win 1 out of 2 of his nominations

The Emmys will air on a Monday this year. August 25th at 8pm est/5pm pacific. On ABC with funny guy (and in my opinion cutie) Seth Myers as host.

Who do you want to see take home an Emmy?

Lynchburgh, Tennessee

This is a late post ...
but this past weekend I went to Tennessee with my second family. We went to the Jack Daniels distillery in Lynchburg, Tennessee to start things off Friday afternoon. At first I didn't think I would have much fun at a distillery of whiskey. I don't think I've ever had whiskey honestly, not even Jack Daniels. I know it's the most popular of the whiskers-- pretty sure it's been in several country songs, but how interesting could really be.
As you pull up, it doesn't look like your typical factory, which is what I assumed it would be considering the mass production of Jack Daniels. The distillery was beautiful!
I'm not gonna tell you too much about Jack Daniels distillery because you need to take a trip up to Lynchburg, Tennessee for yourself. But I will tell you that it is sort of like an old southern plantation in a weird way. Its not big and gaudy like the southern plantations you see on TV, and it wasn't really a plantation ...I guess it was just old and southern beautiful!
The tour guide was this old man named Mike, he truly loves what he was doing, he made the entire Tour enjoyable. He knew exactly what he was talking about and made it interesting.
Our Group was different to say the least. We had about 12 people from Wisconsin who were going to a wedding in Alabama and decided to stop through on their way. There's also this amazing couple from the Netherlands. They told us that they had to get the son and T-shirt! that's all he wanted. Then there was two men from Japan. I'm sure they spoke English but their accents were incredibly thick . When Mike ask them where they're from they told him hapan it was funny.
The tour started with coal and how they were made wood  fired by nothing ...other than whiskey.... Then we went to the house, well technically an office I guess, for Jack Daniels himself kept money and potentially unknowingly killed himself... Of course not then and there, I mean if Jack Daniels committed suicide accidentally or on purpose it would be the most interesting facts about Jack Daniels. However Jack, being like most men a little violent toward inanimate objects, when angry kicked his safe and broken his big toe and didn't go to the doctor to get it fixed. An infection set up in his toe, causing him to lose his toe, foot, leg then life. Mike said that if he would have just dipped his foot and some of his own whiskey maybe the infection wouldn't have set up and maybe he wouldn't have died. But he did and luckily the company was left his nephew who continued to make a whiskey the way Jack intended it to be made. Who knows maybe I'll win jeopardy one day with this information.

After the distillery we went to the town of Lynchburg where of course everything is made with this key because it is a dry town so they can sell it but I can sure bake with it. It was such a cute town . Lynchburg Tennessee has a population 361 people. My graduating class was pushing 700.

It was an interesting tour that I truly enjoyed. So if you have time, go to Lynchburg and take the free distillery tour...  if your kidless, and 21, take the testing tour.