So, I will call upon Your name

I never really talk about my testimony or relationship with Christ, not because I am ashamed- which I am not. I am be proud to be a Christian and try my best to stay on the path of salvation.-I think I keep to myself because I don't want to answer questions that follow. Mainly because I do not know the answers to most questions that are asked and partly because my testimony is short and simple and I always feel as though people want more from me. No I wasn't in dark, hopeless, pit of despair. I wasn't an atheist turned Christian, I wasn't heading down a path of no return. I can't remember a point in time that I didn't believe in God. I grew up in what at the time was an unconventional home, which now I understand was very common. A single mother and a Nana was what I had, not a mom and a dad. My mother and Nana didn't go to church, so my first memory of a church was my kindergarten graduation at this gorgeous huge church that reminded me of all the churches on TV. I assumed that the nuns were in the back resting, and the male nuns (which I a what I assumed Arch Bishops were)-were in a different room hanging up their dresses... Sister Act was my favorite film for a long time. No I wasn't in a Catholic Church, but I didn't know there was a difference. Living in the Bible Belt, I was very aware of churches and God, despite not attending church or being raised in a faith based home. I can't remember a time where I didn't know about God or believe in God. I had children's books that were based on classic bible stories (Jonah was my favorite), We celebrated Christmas, and even discussed that is was Jesus' birthday-when I was 6, we plugged in my fiberoptic tree and sang happy birthday to Jesus. We prayed over our dinners on holidays. I said nightly prayers for years when I spent the summer with my nana, yet never went to church actively until I was in middle school.

When I told my mom that I wanted to go to church on Wednesdays for youth, she said okay. My mom always told us she didn't care what religion we practiced as long as we were morally sound, respectful and knowledgable of other religion--which I was and still am. She would drop me off and pick me up every Wednesday. The church was where all the cool kids went at school. If I went to church-a place where there is no judgment and everyone loves everyone, I was bound to become their friends and fit in, right?... I went to church to hangout, which is what majority of my peers did, but I honestly cannot tell you the youth leaders name, or one message that I heard. But I can tell you about a girl who lied about having lung cancer (which to this day still blows my mind) and the drama that insued... Some of the worst bullying happened on those Wednesday nights.

I struggled with understanding some of the lessons; sex out of marriage is a sin, sins are bad, children out of wedlock  are born into a hopeless life, I'm a child who was conceived and bore out of wedlock...but I'm not hopeless, am I? Wait gays are going to hell- I thought all sins were equal, what's the difference? If you shouldn't judge others then why are you preaching your opinion and not the gospel? Is the message bible really necessary?  ...I was confused and wondered if I was a Christian because I didn't agree with what the youth leader was saying while everyone else nodded in unison an knew when to say amen, while I was still confused and not in tune with what was just said. At 11, I didn't realize that me thinking that was OKAY! Luckily, after going to that church for over a year and feeling like a bigger outcast than I did at school I decided to go to Church with my friend Devyn. She went to a small local church, Calvary Baptist. Everyone was white. Now I am mixed, but being he only brown person can get really tiring, so I was skeptical on whether or not I would be excepted. (Despite it being 2006, I had my fair share of prejudice and it was the worst!) Once going down stairs to the youth room- I'm not going to lie- there were people in the youth who I knew from school who I was SHOCKED stepped foot in a church. I was incredibly judgmental. Again, I was mainly going to church to socialize. The bible was too big and thick for me to read. I never went to Sunday school or VBS as a child so I had no idea what they were talking about half the time and I wanted to call Bull crap on prayer request that I knew where made up. They would pray in such great depth, while I would pray in such simplicity and I couldn't imagine praying out loud. Again for a while I questioned if I  was Christian enough.

When I was a child my family told me that as long as I believe in God and love Jesus and knew that he died on a cross then I was a Christian. However, the feeling of not fitting in, and confusion quickly left.

I prayed every night for God to show me that I was a Christian. Silly, I know, but I was so scared that maybe I wasn't a Christian. After attending Calvary a few times I felt so welcomed by the youth leaders and elders of the church. I quickly saw that no one sitting to the left or the right of me were perfect and knew I was in the right place. A place where I didn't feel the need to PROVE my Christianity, that was between myself and God.  I can still remember lessons Rodney talked on from middle school  (I still have my true love waits card, signed in 2008, that is still valid!). I could feel my love and understanding of Christ grow.

I cannot pin point a pivotal moment when I gave my life to Christ. I have always loved him and accepted him. And the fact that I thought that I needed a trivial, heart wrenching testimony to prove that I am a Christian is quite sad. I just know that my life has not been easy, or fun, or simple, or even explainable. Through an absentee father (who decided I wasn't his when I was 8.), through eviction after eviction after eviction, through all 9 schools, through living in motel rooms, through every death that has created yet another strife in life, through every penny of debt I have because I have to be financially mindful of a family at 21; I have never blamed God, or asked why me? Or have given up hope and faith. No, I am not at church every time the doors have opened. No, I don't walk around spreading the gospel like I should. No, I don't go on or plan to go on a mission trip out of the country anytime soon or possibly ever. No, I can't name every book in the bible or pronounce all the names in the bible. Yes, I support gay rights. Yes, I cuss. Yes, I still have to look in the contents to find where a book is located. Yes, I fall short of the glory of God. But I am a Christian. A proud Christian and I, like many other Christians, don't have a story or dark days that I didn't know or didn't claim Christ. I may have those days in the future, which I believe won't happen, because I pray daily for my relationship with Christ to strengthen. Which it has. I am blessed and surrounded by many host families; The Lairsey's, The Hills, and The Sanders who show me that by putting all my trust in God, everything will be okay.The Lord has given me so many outlets to be a woman of God in a timely manner. I work with children and take full pride in being a role model for my students. I am mentoring with Teach One to Lead One, an organization that is faith based and filled with amazing people who will do nothing but strengthen me. And now I teach children's church every 2nd Sunday.God loves me so much it overwhelms me and is the MAIN source of my happiness, and what prevents me from being sad when I know it is what is expected.

If life hasn't knocked me off the path of salvation already, then nothing life throws at me will knock me off. There might be days that are foggy, or cloudy, but I will keep on down the path, until the day comes to meet Him on the thrown, and I cannot wait!

Miss. Porshia are you married?

When you are young, especially in elementary school love is this amazing concept that you believe is everywhere. When your teacher is married, you think she is living this princess life with prince charming awaiting at home for her to dance with and kiss on the cheek. (Which I hope that is how it is for most of the married teachers I work with). So when a student notices my infinity love knot ring on my left ring finger they constantly ask if I am married. When I tell them, I am not married they have a look of disappointment and confusion on their face. Some even have hilarious and hurtful responses "oh, well you are old you need to get married soon" or my favorite "I'm sorry you aren't married" Yeah. me too. Thanks. My older girls ask if its from a boyfriend with hope in their eyes that one day a boy will love them enough to give them a ring. Again, I have to disappoint. I wear a ring on the ring finger of my left hand  because I have a promise to myself that I will wait until until true love comes along. No, it isn't because I am a Christian (which I am, but havent always been- it is so much more). It is because I want to trust someone so much with the ONE thing that I can never get back.



At an early age I knew where babies come from and how it happen. I was that kid in school who would tell my peers that storks do not exist, and then inform them of really went down. I traumatized a lot of kids, but I was always appropriate about it. Being raised by a single mom and the oldest of the house, I knew a lot more than I should, partly because I was nosey, and mainly because I knew then that without love there isn't structure. And when there isn't structure pain happen.

 I am 20 years old, never had a boyfriend (well one when I was 15, but we are NOT counting that), I have never been heart broken, I have never done anything that I regret, or that can ruin, or put a rift in my plans for the future.  I am not saying anything negative about those who haven't waited until they where in love, it is all a personal choice, based on your experiences, and what you want in life.

 Notice that I am saying love, not marriage. It is ideal for me to wait until I am married, but If I am in love, truly in love, I think I will be ready to explore life in every aspect with the guy I am in love with- and hopefully that includes marriage.

my ring; meaning, everlasting love... which as corny as it seems, I
will always have love and respect for myself, and wait for
the right guys to come along that will love and respect
 me more than I love and respect myself.

I feel as though a lot of people especially girls, try to fill a void and create love out of the smallest glimpse of affection, which ends up creating more holes in the heart that need filling, which starts an ever going cycle. Why do that do yourself? If you have a missing link in your life, find it, and I promise you, at 18 a man isn't the missing link. If it is meant to be with someone it will happen. It will not be forced. No need to give a piece of you away to someone who doesn't value you and what you are giving them.

My ring is a constant reminder that I am woman hear me roar, ya know. I have no shame in being a virginal prude at 20... or even in the future when I am twenty something. So Next time a student ask me If I am married I will smile, say no, but can't wait to be one day, I still young silly! Hopefully one student will remember me, and know that I was the crazy lady who wore a true love waits ring and understand when they are older!

Wish me Ia manuia!

Am I the only person who had no idea where Samoa was? I knew it was a country and an island, and that The Rock is Samoan (right?), but if you asked me to point it out on a map...I would probably have labeled a small island off Hawaii as Samoa. And I am pretty good with geography--even though I thought Boliva was in Europe until 11th grade. Why am I talking about Samoa? Why not talk about Samoa? It is a gorgeous country that produced the great genes that Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson possesses.   

             Just look at this gorgeous picture... clear waters, blue skies, trees, they actually have trees! But, like with everything beautiful there is an ugly side. Samoa may not be the most underdeveloped country, but it is among the many ideal destination hubs that has a lot more going on beyond the clear waters and green scenery. Since they are recently independent from New Zealand (1962) they rely mainly on the money from the tourism. Even though they are rich in culture and educating the children on what will keep their traditions alive, education and health care isn't a resource that they are fortunate enough to have easy access too. 

Well, last night as I was laying on my couch drinking hot tea, I picked up my February issue of Cosmopolitan, the magazine that I love to read but since I am a virginal 20 year old prude, I can not relate to half the articles. I came across a small column. "The Week You'll NEVER Forget." It gave different ways to make meaningful memories by taking an "alternative spring break". Well I don't go on srpting break for many reasons, my college spring break doesn't match the spring break at the Charter elementary school I work at. And Mainly because I don't like drunken people with barely any clothes or spending my money on doing nothing somewhere else. While I can stay at home and do nothing for free!

Me last night reading Cosmo...on a Friday night.
My life is always this exciting.
Doesn't Ariana Grande look amazing!

The small column that made me spend
4 hours on projectaboard.com

By reading the suggested alternative spring break, I knew I couldn't do this during spring break due to my work/school break not being the same, however I have summer and winter breaks that I could spend volunteering. I volunteer as much as possible locally. I am a volunteer mentor, for the Teach One to Lead One program, I come into work all the time early to help out whom ever needs it before I have to be on clock. I love helping others, not to brag about it, but because I find it fun! you get to know people, make connections and make a difference! 

At first I started with habitat.org, but there wasn't any events that I could help out with due to  my school and work schedule. Then I decided to check out Project Aboard.  I read everything I could about it, and love what they are doing. With several ways to help out in more than one category. From medical volunteers, to building, to farming to dance and drama, to teaching and child care.You can volunteer for a week in some destinations or months depending on the program and the country. I loved what I was reading!!!

I have had many friends go on mission trips to several countries to spread the gospel which is great, but as someone who has never had to calling to missions, I use to feel guilty, like I was a bad christian by not wanting to go another country to spread the word. Mainly because I am afraid of what they will ask me and me sounding like a programmed sister Christian, with a generic response, to why they are living in turmoil. I know "God will guide you with what to say in that situation..." but he isn't pushing me to missions so I feel as though, they are not in my plan. Which I am AOkay with. However, going abroad to volunteer in a field that I am passionate about is something I feel is in my plan. I love children, I work with them daily, yes they can be annoying, and down right bad at times, but all children want is the same thing, which is love and attention. two things I can give. 

School children in Samoa! How precious are they! 

I was looking at all the countries that intrigued me, and I kept coming back to Samoa, this was before I googled to figure out where is was! It was one of the few places that offered short term programs and programs in care! By going to Samoa I will be able to volunteer with children for the duration of my breaks, start when I want to and go home when I want. I will leave being paid in experience, culture, love, and memories.

 I do not know when I will go, it is pretty pricey, I know since I am being selfless and volunteering, donations will be appropriate to ask for, fundraising parties etc. but I may go in December or maybe next year, regardless I will be going. I have already signed up for an orientation and talked to an organizer, so this isn't just all talk and no action. I will for sure keep you guys posted about what I decide to do, and prayers and positive thoughts are welcomed! let me know about what you think, or maybe we can do this together!